Saturday, March 14, 2009

i miss writing...
but sometimes, i don't know if i like to have my thoughts being read..

i just felt this sudden surge of sadness or is it numbness that is overwhelming in me..
i'm unsure if my life is as i want it to be.. and i'm wondering if i'm changing..
sometimes, i feel that i'm emotionless. and for tonight, i just want to make myself cry. for that, i'll have to listen to his music.

i thought i'll get over the effect his music will have on me, but i haven't... i still miss him so much, still hold a spot for him, dearly in my heart...

it seems so unfair to S, who has been nothing but such a sweet, loving person to me.. i'm probably blabbering because my period is coming, and i'm being emotional.. maybe it's also because that Mami is so tempermental these days. i hate to say it BUT the phase of menopausing stinks.

i've been trying to draw again lately... it gives me some sort of quiet solace that i seek..
i feel extremely terrible and horrible as i have yet to spend quailty time with God.




......On evening shade and loneliness;
And, while the sky grows dim and dimmer,
Feel no untold and strange distress­
Only a deeper impulse given
By lonely hour and darkened room,
To solemn thoughts that soar to heaven,
Seeking a life and world to come.

-Evening Solace by Charlotte Bronte