Wednesday, February 14, 2007

my x-rays yesterday. the dr said it's perfectly fine.
hmm...



i celebrated valentine's day with these 2 little ones and 4 other ones.
but the total number of them born today through c-sections is 14.



i managed to snap this just in time!
she's simply adorable.
her dad's really handsome too.
sometimes i just wish i'm pregnant too.
i want to have 4 kids if possible. >_<

my balloon's dying.

i'm glad that on this day this year, i wasnt crying buckets.












rough hands.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

i remembered when i was young, i envied my classmates because they were the typical pretty girls slim, with big eyes with double eye-lids.
i was the odd one.
as puberty started early for me, i stood out amongst the rest.
in a bad way.
tall, big, single eye-lids...
i hated the way i was.
i would use hairpins or the back of combs with a sharp end to 'create' the double eye-lid, but whenever i blink my eyes it'll be gone.
and i'll pinch the bridge of my nose all the time so that it'll be sharp.

i often asked why i had single eye-lids when both my parents have double eye-lids....
then one day, my aunt told me that i was picked from the trash. and i believed her...
it might sound dumb and foolish, but at that age, you tend to believe what the elders say....
so i was pretty much upset at that time cause whenever school ended, i dont wanna go home.
i try to stay out as late as possible..
because being home just makes me sad.

so my low self-esstem thing continued all the way throughout secondary school...
it was even worst then, i started putting on weight and the guys in class (they are such assholes) call me names like big chicken thigh, big mama and pig trotters.
'haha'.

i always managed to put up a strong front however, when i'm home, and i think about it, i'll just cry...
sometimes to the extend of cutting myself...
the physical pain, temporarily takes away the pain inside...

and at that time, jans was growing into a young lady.
i was so damm jealous of her, she has the looks, brains and body.
i hated her.
it's sad, but true.
oh yes, at home, jer calls me hippopotamus.
how nice.

there wasnt really anyone i can relate to..
and it was really hard on me whenever i have a crush on someone.
i wouldnt let anyone know, due to the fear of rejection and embarassment.
but thank god for nice girlfriends from sec 2 onwards.. people who accept who you are, because of the person inside and not the person outside.
i'm less self-consious when i'm around them.
i feel happier.

but ahh, when i entered poly.
it was a nightmare.
you know, the image thing in poly...
and i was 75kg..
it sucked big time.
all i ever wear to school is t-shirts and jeans.
no skirts or shorts because i'm ashamed of my massive butt and legs.

sher did influence me in a way or another but it was one day, we were outside the lecture theatre doing our group discussion when i saw her then i thought seriously about it.
she was wearing this orange singlet and was tying up her hair.
then i saw it.
well toned and define biceps.
she's all natural and beautiful.
'i want those' i said to myself.
when she turned her back and walk away, i made up my mind to do it.
do what?
join the dragonboat team.

i went to check out the db noticeboard for more information first.
and when i saw what the posted, i questioned myself.
can i do all those running, and chin ups at all?
nope.
so i decided to train first before i join. XD
it was so silly.
i started doing my own runs and such, trying to buid up my stamina as much as i can before the db's orientation day.
haha..

anyway, i just wanted to say that Dragonboating has changed my life immensely.
it has taught me many lessons in life.
i lost 10 kg, which increased my self-esstem and made me love myself more.
i made the bestest friends there.
i've had the best and worst experiences in my life.
i fell in love.
i fell out of love.
it contributed to the making of who i am today.

i'm so thankful that i met MX that day.
till now, she's still one of my inspiration.
she amazes me.
God bless the guy who gets her.


this entry might not make any sense..
but honestly, what really does.

and yes, i'm rooting for real beauty.
not that i'm drop dead gorgeous or anything.
i'm jus glad i lost the weight, otherwise it would be unhealthy anyway.










i'm speaking gibberish... because i'm just sleepy..

Sunday, February 11, 2007