Saturday, September 02, 2006

had dinner with ade, kyle, hid and jil.
it was lovely..
jil said that i gave her the impression that i only eat salad, and after i join the nteam she thought that i dont eat meat at all...
haha.
i can live without meat though, but i really need veggie.

the girls said something about how i behave when he's around....
that i'm more tone down when i'm with him, that i'm not the jaz that i am when he's around...
and come to think of it, i suppose they're right.
i honestly don't know why.
at times, i do feel uncomfortable around him, and i analyze and think a lot before doing anything infront of him, cause i'm not sure whether my actions would be approved by him.
and why is that so? cause i care about what he thinks of me...
i suppose every girl would want to be at their best infront of the guy they like.... but in a way i feel like a liar.
maybe i am the way i am around him cause i think he wont be able to handle the real me...
jil said that as a girlfriend, i'm entitled to do anything i want.





i'm beginning to dislike that bus-stop, cause i always feel sad there..






sat at my secret place again.

















but when i need you, you're almost here
and i know that's not enough.
and when i'm with you
i'm close to tears,
cause you're only almost here...

Friday, September 01, 2006

' " but anyway, after that talk we both exactly know where we stand and it's fine"

"as long as you don't get hurt"

"shut up Jules, you know i hate that expression."

and it's true, i do. why do people bother saying it, i mean what's the choice? you lock yourself away in an attic and never go out because you're frightened of getting hurt? BULLSHIT. as far as i'm concerned you have to give every relationship your all because if you're going to get hurt, you're going to get hurt, but at least at the end of it you'll know you gave it your best shot.

something i never understood about men. no matter how crazy or not they are about you, they can get on with their lives, their work, their friends, and not give you a second thought. when they think of you, which is generally when they're not thinking of anything else, they'll pick up the phone and call you, completely oblivious to the fact that you've been sitting there crying for a week because they haven't called or acknowledge you in any way. '

personally i think it's because men are crap at juggling. i'm not talking about juggling work and children and all that rubbish, but just doing more than one thing at once. women can iron, watch tv, chat on the phone and answer the doorbell all at the same time. ever try chatting to a man when he's trying to park the car? exactly. he'll ignore you because he can only concentrate on one thing at a time. so we get on with our lives while they take up space in our heads, rent-free and they get on with their lives without giving us another thought.

i'm not saying our way is right. the number of times i've wished i could stop thinking about someone and get on with work, but i can't. once they're in your head, they're there for keeps until they either dump you or you manage to get over them. to be honest i find the whole process completely exhausting, and that's why sitting in the car on the phone with Jules, i decided that i'm not going to do it this time. in fact, i'm fed up with talking about him, remembering him, analysing him.

"Jules, i've got to go," i say.

-most are extracted from jane green's mr maybe. some are added by me.

it was raining cats and dogs, the perfect excuse of not being able to train.

met up with hid instead. >_<
i always enjoyed her company, cause she'll hear me complain about him, she's my fashion co-ordinator, we'll share food together which is a plus cause we wont feel as though we're eating a lot.
and she's patient.
heh...
must force myself to run tmr.. to burn off the hershey's pie, and carl's junior chilli beef fries.
hopefully this time, the china race will materialize.
it sucks everytime we're informed that we're going for a race, then after we put in so much effort, so much time into it, we dont get to go..



stupid saf is tormenting their ns boys. especially talented ones like him.
stupid asses..





so poor thing.
i miss that assy boyfriend of mine.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

anyway, the weather's lovely today..
it was awesome for steamboat... (had cocoa for dinner with ms seak and ms mo.)

part of the conversation we had...

ms seak: this weather makes me 'nuan'.
me: it's the perfect weather to snuggle in bed.
ms mo: snuggle with him issit?
me: we haven't snuggle together before yet.
ms seak: what?!
me: yeah, oh well... we dont really have time do anything together and he's weird remember?
me: do you sleep with gerald?
ms seak: yes, and when we sleep, we really just knock out and snore.
me: haha...












hopefully, if i'm going for canoeing tmr (that is if i'm not lazy), i wont capsize cause i'll be alone and i dont know how to save me self..
maybe i'll try running tmr, to see if my sole hurts.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

janice said i snored last night!!!
crap.
the thought of it sounds disgusting.
i must be really tired.


this afternoon was so much better.
not as crazy as yesterday.
wendy's fave dr resembles uncle calvin.
both of them have that charming double eye lid eyes with wrinkles at the side when they smile, and they both love their wives very much.
sigh.





i want someone to dote me as much too...
i want someone to go crazy over me too...
i want cuddles, kisses, love............

sigh..











touch me
love me
kiss me
in love with you

i've fallen.
asshole.

couldnt do night running since yesterday because the damn distal phalanges of my right foot hurts. think i injure some tendons too.
stupid.
it even hurts when i walk, think i aggravated it yesterday cause we were walking a lot.
it didnt hurt then, probably because i wasnt giving it attention as he was with me.

oh no!
falling asleep again.
tmrs.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

i think i didnt get enough rest, thus the bad temper yesterday.
it could have gotten worst though if i didnt try to hold some of it back.

it sucks time and time again that we needed confirmation that we suck and we needed to wake up from this embarassing reality.
it's okay they say. but honestly it's not.

it's not okay to be in the national team and losing to a bunch of jc students.
it's not okay that we finish together during a pacing session with a bunch of guys who started a few seats behind and only had 18 rowers.
it's not okay not to take our opponent seriously.
it's also not okay when we whine and complain about the training sessions.
it's not okay for some to train so hard when the rest dont give a damn.
it's not okay we overtrain during the week without proper rest.
it's not okay for our timing to be out, because we have the responsibility to constantly check ourselves.
it's not okay for our indiscipline behaviour during training.




damm..