Saturday, August 05, 2006

these are beautiful, meaningful and painful in their own way.

blabbers.

- i somehow find solace at work.
- no mood for training.
- the pretty things at art friend makes me want to buy them all.
- i hope i cheered her up a bit, even though i was having problems myself.
- chocolate chip waffles with jamiacan chocolate ice-cream from gelare. and i just found the best and fresh smoothie and yougurt drink shop at far east.
- jans went running with me, or rather i jogged with her, it was nice just lying there, staring at the sky. i almost fell asleep.
- i must stick to it!
-sigh.



















this girl needs more than occasional hugs as a token of love from you to me...

Friday, August 04, 2006

everything went fine in the mornring yesterday, till there was an urgent lscs which needed to be done.

then it happened, right when dr shortie was delivering the baby, my day turned horrible.
the uterus starting bleeding profusely, and the bleeding couldn't be stopped, he sort of panicked, me too as i kept providing gauze and i had to keep track of them in case they get left behind.
and being assigned with ms noisy didnt help at all. and i was trying to be patience with her.
anyway, thank God, the bleeding stopped after 4-6 sutures i think.

i was clearing my instruments and my sharps, after i folded my needle mat together, i wanted to make sure they really stick so i pressed them tightly together with my hands, then ah huh.. this stupid needle protrueded out of the mat and i got pricked.

as soon as i saw the ref spot on my gloved hand, i quickly removed it and express as much blood as i could, i almost wanted to chop that finger off so that the rest of my body wouldnt have the chance to get contaminated.

i scrub the finger hard with povidone.

it was kinda traumatizing.
i was contemplating whether i should report about it.
and i did, cause i'm afraid that i might spread something to the love ones around me, especially him.

it was sort of a relieve to hear that the patient was hepatitis B and HIV negative.
but still, there's this part of me is being paranoid, cause the tests were taken in march.
blood was drew from both my arms.
cause they didnt drew enough for the first time.
-_-

left weak after that, went to training anyhow.
cause i thought that things would lighten up during training, i thought wrong.
coach decided to do canoeing cause there werent many who turned up for training.
was looking forward to it actually, i was too sure of myself that i managed to grasp the technique of using a high seat.
while putting on our life vest, i took the rugged ones, cause they only have like one sponge left for each side, thus the better space for twisting.
serene made this comment, 'why dont you a use a better life vest? you never know, but it might save your life.'
oh well...

anyway, i capsized twice.
the first wasnt that bad as the tide was low therefore i could stand on the seabed, the second was in the middle of nowhere, i quickly turn my boat over so that it'll minimize the amount of water being trapped in it. then when i turn around, 'mommy' and ele's boat was heading straight towards me.
luckily, the water soften the impact and i reacted fast enough, if not, i'll probably sustain a head injury.
they all continued with their set cause coach was coming to rescue me.

see the thing is, he asked me to tow my 80% filled with water boat back to the shore, and the current was going against me.
he came near, then i pushed his canoe, so that he could drag my canoe back, there was once i pushed too hard, and he drifted away leaving me behind.
i tried to swim back, still the current was strong..
for a few times, i got tired of tracking water and i just wanted to stop.
and ultimately, i did... then i felt my feet touching the seabed... i was going to die i thought.
i cried out to Him for help.....







the next thing i knew, i was tip-toe-ing and gasping for air..
i survived.
coach changed canoe with me, and i finish up the sets.


i made a comment during cool down that i'll probably have diarrhea after dinner. ade comforted me saying, but the food i eat will be sanctified after prayers. how true..
realised that i havent gotten diarrhea since i started saying prayers..

i suppose wani was right about you dont know how it feels like till you've gone through it.
and dinner really did cheer me up.




somehow He knew i wanted to talk to him, so He made him call me instead.
somehow, i wish i didnt returned the call.
cause i remember he said to find solutions and solve problems myself, and telling him about it just made me feel worst.





i just couldnt take it anymore..
crying works all the time.







it's just not enough.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

okay short entry before i head to bed.

so i think i'm on this clumsy falling thing.
i fell again just now when i was running, i tripped over a drain. -_- cause the metal thingy was out of alignment.
then later, joanne made me trip by suddenly cutting in front of me when we were walking to the eating place. -_-

anyway....... he looked so tom yummy yday!
/melts.

felt the sudden urge to learn driving.

i need to do something to my hair.
cant stand it for some reason.
and mommy has a problem with the way i dresses.
she really hates it when i wear shorts.
=X


i'm glad that i ran today...
omgosh.. i need to train harder.
weights and circuit was fun today! though it was endurance training... haha..
think i sprain my lats during weights. =X


dinner at 'tong shui'. /yums
there's so many places here, i've yet to explore.





it's bitter sweet.
oh well, kisses that taste like chicken.

Monday, July 31, 2006

it's nurses' day here tomorrow. wheras the official International Nurses Day (IND) is celebrated around the world every May 12. the date was chosen as the anniversary of the birth of Florence Nightingale (1820-1910), who is widely considered the founder of modern nursing.
it's a day celebrated to remember of all the precious contributions nurses make to the society.

but honestly, i don't feel that nurses here are being appreciated most of the time.. i always get the 'it's-your-job' look from the other healthcare workers or patients. so they do not see a point to appreciate us.

oh well.
i'm just glad that today's celebration is finally OVER.
what a huge load taken off my shoulders.
i detest her as a nursing manager, or even as a person.
why can anyone be so stingy and selfish..?
and she is suppose to be a role model for us to follow.
no way am i going to follow her footstep.
she doesnt show any kindness nor compassion.


i hate it when the public stereotype the kind of people who does nursing.
they'll have this mindset that those who does nursing probably didnt have good enough grades to do other supposedly 'high-end' jobs.
nursing has always been a 'low-end' kinda job because why?
we clean up patient's poo and pee. and they think that it's easier to get into nursing cause you dont have to have good grades.

i'm not saying i'm smart or anything.
there's still so much more to learn.
one thing i'm not really good at is language.
but i rock at practicals.
=)


okay, i dont know why i ended up typing all those stuff, probably cause i'm sick and tired of YOU ALL overpopulating the healthcare industry cause you all IRRITATE ME with your 'i-know-everything' attitude. so dont feel that i'm the one giving you attitude when i keep mum at work. since you know it all, you dont need my guidance.
someday, the locals will get overthrown by the foreigners.







i'm going mad.





and i'm feeling weird inside.

the sight of her turns me off.
i'm keeping my fingers crossed.




though i slept at 11 plus last night, i woke up several times in the middle of the night.
think i'm having sleep pattern disorder.
anyway, was prepared to do fartleks as mentioned. end up playing sccocer in the end.
felt that we could improve on our fighting spirit and our mental endurance...
received a shocking and sad sms when i got home.
dear coach got sack cause he had an argument with that mister.
.....
that's just so unfair.



had BS just now with auntie patsy, it was very interesting.
i'm glad to know the truth.
i'm always shy when it comes to having a conversation with his sister, cause she's so pretty, smart and talented; and i guess i just feel inferior to that fact.
oh well...
chicken shepherd's pie. *yums*



2 more days!





i'm very lovesick.
come home soon....