Saturday, July 15, 2006

elise said that our 500 m timing use to be better.
sigh.
150 m of standing strokes while keeping my butt down to make space for her makes my quads go into spasm.

i'm so happy to see grams doing so well!
praise the Lord.
she could speak now, not like when she just got discharged, she only spoke to me with her eyes.

i honestly dont care how you all look at me for being a nurse.
so what we have to clean our patients poo poos and such.
you might need someone to do it for you too when you're hospitalized or when you've grown old and you dont have the strength to go to the toilet or even to control your bladder.
anyway i enjoy keeping my patients clean, having good hygiene is very important to them.


grams was falling asleep already, but i couldnt help but went back to hug and lie with her for a while before i leave.
i missed her. a lot.
i wish my parents had taught us our dialect.




" life can be diffcult. an unfaithful spouse lets you down, a son or daughter is suspected of being on drugs, somebody fails to come through for you.... all these thinds, and of course many others, affect our emotions. being willing to accept that life is difficult will save us from unrealistic expectations which can trigger stress and even depression. then, when troubles come, we are not surprised, but face reality in the confidence that no matter what happens to us, God will turn it to good. "

she's pregnant. and i'm so happy and excited for her.
i know she'll bring the child up well, just that she wouldnt know how to take care of her.
and hopefully he'll treat her well too.
it's not easy starting a family at the age of 21.

sometimes i wish that i'm pregnant too.
it'll be a wonderful nine months experience.
though i'll have thoughts about whether a not i'll be a good mom.
i asked mummy a few years back if i could have a baby of my own, with a sperm from the sperm bank so i could have a mix blood baby.
she said okay.



i remembered the other night when this lady came in for assisted twins delivery, her epidural wore off, so she was in a lot of pain when the contractions came and when we ask her to push, she gave up and she begged for caesarean section. she was gripping my hand so tightly, it was turning white.
the doctors just stared at me blankly when she didnt wanted to push.

the nurses, in the other hand, tried our best to encourage her to push, but she kept screaming that K was kinda pissed, she asked her to close her mouth and push so as not to waste energy on screaming.

i kept encouraging her too, not to give up.
and it reminded me the times at nyp, during training...
it's true that it's all in the mind, mental strength beats physical strength.

maybe she felt strength from us, and she continued, after two more tries, the first twin was out.
i felt a tear roll down my cheek.
i suppose she felt very motivated after that, so when it came to the second twin, she just looked at me, and i knew what it meant, i help her up while she's pushing, and 'pop' came out the second twin.

after the exhausting delivery, she apologized for her explosive behaviour, (at one point, she almost bit my arm, luckily, K saw and pushed my arm away, my sleeve was stained with her saliva teeth marks.) K and M apologized too, for being so fierce, haha... but well, they experienced it before, so they could sympathized with her.

the father teared when he saw his babies.
aww.....

havent really been training intensively as i should.
i've been just doing my own running, statics though, trying to get my rhythm back.

i barely have enough sleep time everyday. cause at times, i do feel that it's a waste of time to rest.

omg. i'm falling asleep in front of the com! while typing this entry.

Monday, July 10, 2006

- pepper lunch. cut steak and chicken for him, chicken and salmon for me.
- iced tea from mos burger.
- sudden period visit. crappy. was wearing white tongs. =X
- shopping. SHOPPING! >_<
- slient hill.
aww....


now i need sleep.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

there's this sudden load on my shoulders and it makes my heart feels heavy.
i just wish i didnt stood out among the rest so i wouldnt be delegated to so much work.
though maybe, it's a good way of showing that your superiors trusts you, favors you, therefore the work.
i shouldnt complain cause i'm the one who volunteered to take up the assignment because i'm so sick and tired of seeing everyone else pushing it away or just too lazy to take it up.
how can such lazy people possibly exist?

God. i cry out to you for help.

i worry about the upcoming nurses' day party we're planning.
i'm worried that it'll turn out to be a flop.
sigh.
nowadays i don't have the zest and energy i used to have at work.
and i just found out that some bloody black-hearted asshole deleted ALL the surgeon's preferences which we have taken so much time and pain to work on it.
sigh.


i suppose we girls can take setbacks easier, or maybe we're just good at hiding it.
could tell that the morale is on the downside now..
the future for us is unknown, whether a not we'll merge, whether a not they'll take over us.... i'll be sad if they do. will feel even worst if they change coach.
it might be slightly easier for them as they're still students and that their school is very supportive of their sport, not us, dont suppose our workplace will do the same.

at times, i wonder if this is the right path for me, for wherever i am, i feel as if i'm pulling the team down.
sigh.


lalalalalalala.......................