Saturday, April 15, 2006

running has sucked tremendously.
crap.
well, at least i could still do clean and jerk with the olympic bar with some assistance when the arms get tired that is.
90 secs seem so bloody long when you're suppose to do high intensity rowing.
now he knows how we feel.

piglet and charmaine made me day.
piglet was serving me food, and charmaine is simply adorable.
i'm so happy for piglet, they look good together.
sigh...
i envy them.

charmaine made my day cause i was the only one she allowed to carry her.
i love the way baby smell..
aww.. i just cant wait to have one of my own.






it sucks.

Friday, April 14, 2006

i dont know what to say anymore
the tears are rolling more and more
the heart aches yet it does not yield
how long should it be held on to,
when everything is stagnant as it is.
i dont feel happy anymore.
everyday is a fight against the cold shoulder war.
do i not mean anything to you?
i need to know and to feel you.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

we were in the car today when we started talking, then everyone started getting upset with one another. then one issue came after another, till it just blew.
and he wasnt pleased that i was angry at him.
he said how dare i get angry at him.
then tears just keep rolling down.
damm it.
and then he told me not to be sad, and just do whatever i want. cause he doesnt care anymore, and he wont send me around anymore.
honestly i wasnt angry, i'm just sad that we could never have a good conversation.
we'll always end up getting pissed with one another in the end.
and he said cause i was full of pride.
i felt that both of US have pride. and his was more.
i suck at being his daughter.
the words he said just pushes me away...
whatever.
i had been independent since he was never around, and that's when i was in kindergarten.
the only fact that i take his car was to, 1st, spend time with them, since i'm never really home. 2nd, save on transport and time, 3rd, i was allowed to sleep in a little more.


training keeps me sane.



i'm sorry kylie, you'll get to see this kinda stuff here all the time. but i'll be fine...
study hard aight?
you're such a dearie.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

since it's like that, i'm suppose it's going to stay the way it is, despite my numerous confession.

i'm looking forward to work and training more often now.
i should just go back and be addictive towards training, even if it drains me, or till my knee hurts, or even if i dont get that 8 hours of sleep.
i know, it'll keep my mind busy cause i'll be too tired to be paranoid or whatever then.
i love trying to be mean, but i always fail.
damm..




on a higher note, paul msn-ed me!!
miss that funky, weird, white-boy.
i still remember he use to make me scream by put his freezing palms on my cheeks from behind during com lab lessons.
sigh..
those were the days....

Sunday, April 09, 2006

i'm just immensely heartbroken to see what she has wrote.
sigh..


she probably has forgotten that i approach mummy a few times and told her to let her do what she wants to do; gave her his msn to fill her curious mind; prepared her for the worst scenarios cause it has happened to my friends who draw so bloody well... and more.
and she probably doesnt know that i was worried that she couldnt cope and she'll feel freaking stressed out, but deep inside i've got faith that she'll do just fine, and that she'll be one of a kind. and if i hadnt been supportive, i wouldnt have done so many other stuff, even to ask her to attend all her orientation cause it's important.


and for once, i didnt say you suck in drawing, i said you suck cause you took damn long.



i suppose the good is always overlooked by the bad things you've done.
cause the bad stuffs always leave a heavier impact.
her words stab my heart, but i love her still...

i was oblivious to how much she have grown, cause in my eyes, she's always my little sister.
and thus, i was oblivious too, about how i've bruised her ego by my tactless comment even i meant it in a jokingly way. sigh..
i should known better..








i'm sorry janice.
i just know that you're so much more, but i guess i shouldnt have demanded so much considering the circumstances you're in.