Friday, August 06, 2004

One! Two! Three!

To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
She told me that it's all a part of the choices that you make
Even when you think you're rightYou have to give to take

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

I wonder if you're listening
Picking up on the signals
Sent back from within
Sometimes it feels like I don't really know whats going on
Time and time again it seems like everything is wrong in here

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

Well we sing if we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing if it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason to ever fall in love

But we sing
If we're going no where
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing with out a reason to never fall in love
To never fall in love again

----lost prophets - last train home----

i'm hungry..

Thursday, August 05, 2004

my eyes feels very strained.. guess its due to the crying i've done last night and this afternoon..
yes this afternoon..
my tutorial turned into a therapeutic session, we're suppose to open up 'our windows' and the 'windows of others.. we were to thank someone we appreciated in the class but whom wasnt close to us.. and the recepient was to say 'thank you, i accept that' i did and yes i was the first to cry again.. i'm a very emotional person. everyone knows that. so i cant hide my feelings at all.. but the worst was to apologise to someone you've hurt, and to ask to be friends again..
and i was the second one to do that. i already knew who i needed to apologise to, ifah.
i only said her name, and both of us were in tears. soon po lam, even the lecturer almost teared.. ha.. esther said that i can make people cry when they try to stop it..
it was a good session. i felt great apologising to her in person.. and yes it was very difficult. cause we had to do it in front of the whole class..
went to lecture, saw round2 made me worst again, reminded me bout last night.. i know it's true but still.. so i asked for a hug.. that puss.. so 'pai seh' to hug me in front of everyone, so we had to go behind the pillars...
skipped lecture to meet hid and hai at mac's.. told hid everything.. felt better.. thanks babe!! then ate comfort food : brownie with ice-cream. *sinned*
am better now though my eyes feel a little sore..

daddy just came in and stroke my hair, saying 'been busy these few days?' and left..
lucky i stopped crying.
i felt so loved. and i'm so fortunate to have them.

it's not perfect, but i love the way it is.

daddy & mummy,

i'm so sorry that i've not been doing my duties as a daughter.. i know i've been spending too much time outside. guess what, i cut my fringe. u guys dont know cause i wasnt home to show it. but dont worry it's nice, my frens said it. i know that it's not fair that i'm not sharing my love and my part to the family, cause janice is already so self-centred, kor, well he's going into ns soon so let's not mention him. i know that even when i'm home, we just do our own stuff and sometimes we dont even talk. but as long as your presence is there, i'll feel warmth. i'll try my best to manage my time properly.
dragon boating is something i found and i really love it. it's not just the sport, but the people in it with me. i love them. i love all of you too, it's just that i dont really show it physically. i appreciate the understandings both of you have for me, though sometimes you just cant stand it. and now when i have the time, i'll go jamming. i guess it was the sudden interest but i do have fun too.. and that's what i really care about FUN.
daddy i guess you were right about 'charity starts from home'. and that i've not truly understand it. both of you might seem surprise that why am i writing this letter. it's because i've suddenly realise that i miss you all alot. i'm so sorry and i'll try to spend time at home more often.

love,
jasmine

trg today was stressed in the beginning!!
ben suddenly said to have an assessment, which includes 2.4 km run, sit-ups, chin-ups..
after hearing that i was so stressed-up and nervous!!

.........................................

i hate not greeting mummy when i reach home cause she's already asleep..
i hate feeling no warmth when i reach home from anywhere..
i hate that i cant manage my time properly..
i just HATE MY FREAKING SELF!
it's all my bloody fucking fault that i cant make everything as organise as anyone could be!

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

jamming was awesome today!
we combined with scream front (the peeps working at alvoron: faizal, yuhan and johan)
they were awesome! they play mostly punk rock songs! which i so love.. i'm such a punker.. =p was surprised when they play the last train home! it's so nice.. i'll always catch the mtv..
yuhan is superb with the drums.. he just flow with them.. his strokes are just so natural.. its as if its in his blood.. johan was cool with the bass too.. ha.. when he sings, cant see his teeth.. ok.. no comments on that.. faizal, powerful vocals i would say. esp when he sings a place for my head.
as for me, my hands were practically freezing the whole time even though i had my jacket on.. well krucial wasnt here today, so i get to sing! ha.. fun. though a little shy to sing in front of the guys. yeah guys, there were 7 guys and a girl.. hee.
oh well, i've hanged around with guys all my life..

i'm tough on the outside so that no one could hurt me.
but on the inside i'm just as vulnerable as china.

i dont know what i'm talking about.. =S

Monday, August 02, 2004

On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
In the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me

Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care

When I'm angry, you listen
Make me happy, it's your mission
And you won't stop till I'm there

Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
When I hit that bottom, crash,
you're all I have

How do you know everything I'm about to say?
Am I that obvious?
And if it's written on my face...
I hope it never goes away... yeah

On a Monday, I am waiting
And by Tuesday, I am fading into your arms...
So I can breathe
---- ashlee simpson - pieces of me ----

slept through the night all the way til morning.. it felt so good.. still i felt weak. attended 2 hours of lecture, then went to meet hid and jo. hid got this really cool roxy bag. me and jo just hang ard. ha.. well i gotten some socks.. hee. i'm now havin a fetish over them.. *smiles*
my neck and shoulder still hurts, geez..
i wanna get well soon!!!

Sunday, August 01, 2004

i got the 3 combos : body aches, running nose and sneezing. yes. i caught a cold.
shldnt have stayed in the sea for too long yesterday. but it was fun.
played captain's ball like a few times? caught sand abrasions, bumps on the head and yeah.. nothing but injuries, it's all worth it though..
cldnt slept last night, kept sneezing till i cld feel as if my lungs were going to burst.. woke up like every hour till 4. my throat was sore too.. cldnt stand it. luckily there's still a bottle of 'pi pa gao'. after that i slept like the dead..
woke up earyl today.. was hesitating whether a not to go for trg in this kinda state. in a way i love to go for trg, but i didnt want to worsen my condition and i felt so weak. still i went.
so today i was mostly the drummer cum passenger, sorry gals u had to row my weight. :(
it's wonderful to see that we've got 1 big boat of girls n 1 1/2 boat of guys.. hopefully most will stay, the honeymoon period is over.. it's up to them now, to take the challenge..
i did it.. i hope they'll do it too..
need to finish my presentation by tonight. i can do it! as long as i dont take my meds, cause they'll make me drowsy.. and YES i do take meds k.. i wldnt want to have a husky voice always..